


Skates

by Lindzzz



Series: The Evil Boyfriends Series [10]
Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Always, Fluff, Ice Skating, M/M, Snark, after all this time?, always the snark, boys that is not how you date, jack is the worst date ever, snark?, the boys are absurd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 04:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindzzz/pseuds/Lindzzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Pitch is going to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skates

Pitch glowers at the wide frozen lake as if it has personally wronged him and was responsible for all his suffering.

The real culprit was excitedly sliding along on bare feet but his scowls stopped working on Jack a long time ago. So he'll try his luck on the lake instead.

Jack of course, forever needing to be the center of attention, glides up into his line of sight with a smile a mile wide.

"You can't thaw the lake by looking at it really hard."

"I can try." Pitch hisses.

"Let me know how that works out for you. C'mon Drama King, you agreed to this!"

"I cannot remember why and I'm suspecting that you're beginning to dabble in powers beyond you. Have you been playing with mind control?"

Jack rolls his eyes with a put-upon sigh. "It's ice skating. It's not going to kill you."

"I have definitive proof against that chattering in front of me." Pitch sneers nastily. He hisses when Jacks staff smacks him soundly on top of the head. Thank the non existent Gods that it's a cloudy night. He wouldn't be able to handle his old friend seeing this nonsense.

"You know what I mean! You're a few centuries too late to try 'lets use Jack's trauma against him' tricks."

Pitch growls to himself and looks down at his feet, and the absurd “skates” attached to them. It had been easy enough to shape shadow into sharp blades but it was ridiculous that he HAD to.

"This is humiliating."

"Oh you've done wayyyyyyyy more embarrassing stuff than this." Pitch's head snaps up to give Jack a hard look. Jack smiles innocently.

"Like what?!"

"You talk to your horse Pitch."

Pitch snarls, Jack needs to learn to leave Onyx out of things! "It's not embarrassing when she understands me!"

Jack's face does an interesting spasm and he bites his lip. Pitch knows this face. It's Jacks "I'm barely not laughing at you" face.

Pitch despises that face. Or so he's currently convincing himself.

Those blue eyes are bright with barely concealed mirth and Jack's grin just gets bigger and bigger. The brat. "Do you even listen to half the things that come out of your mouth?”

They’re getting off track here. “I don’t understand why you’re so determined about this!”

“Because it’s FUN. And we always do what you want to do anyway! Not that terrorizing and stuff isn’t fun too, but I’d like to do something besides cause traffic accidents every once in awhile.”

Now THAT was something fun. Since cars had become more popular Jack had discovered a new hobby of freezing over intersections and watching what happens. It also helped create a lovely spike of adrenaline-infused fear in the area.

But there is nothing scary or nightmare-inducing about ice skating. 

Well.

Not to Pitch anyway.

And Jack stopped being nervous around lakes long, long ago.

Pitch continues scowling in the vain hope that maybe this time it will work. Jack raises his eyebrows.

“I will make you come out onto this ice Pitch or so help me.”

Pitch bares his teeth. “You couldn’t force me to do anything you littl-” he had an excellent insult for Jack ready to go but it gets lost somewhere in the startled shriek as the wind sends him careening out over the lake.

“JACK!”

Jack just cackles and lands in front of Pitch, sliding backwards and continuing to push him along with the wind. “See! That wasn’t so hard! Now make a left!”

Pitch goes sailing left, STILL caught in the wind and he is going to murder the boy. He is going to actually kill him this time. He is forming a very elaborate and PAINFUL death as he yells and continues being yanked around on the ice. 

“JACK! Stop that!”

“Aannnnd do a spin!”

The world goes blurred and twists violently. “Jack you won’t even REMEMBER what good dreams are! I’m going to destroy you! You -AUGH!” He’s nearly sent flying into the air by the next gust.

“Aw you say the SWEETEST things sugar!”

“You stop this right now so I can WRING YOUR LITTLE NECK!”

Jack slides up alongside him, smiling benignly. “Oh, you want to stop?”

Pitch should know better. He should know better than to not be instantly suspicious of that calm little smile. “YES I want to stop you idiot!”

The wind stops. Pitch does not. There’s a moment of panicked vertigo when he’s suddenly no longer trying to lean against the wall of air shoving him around and he can’t tell which way is up of where the ground is.

Then the ice reminds him, rather painfully, where it is,

There’s another thud that he’s pretty sure was Jack actually falling over from laughing so hard. Pitch just lays on the ice, on his back, staring up into the night sky while Jack breaks down into hysterics.

He mentally goes over every single life decision he has made that led him to this moment.

Really everything went downhill when he let that boy follow him around.

He pointedly does not look over when Jack smoothly slides up next to him, lying on his side and head propped up on his hand.

“Howdy stranger, fancy meeting you on a night like this.”

“I’m going die. Literally, this is where it ends for me.”

“That was the best thing ever. The best.” Jack starts breaking into giggles again, and Pitch’s scowl darkens. “You looked like a spider trying to rollerblade!”

“I don’t know what rollerblading is and I don’t care. I’m going to die, and then I’m going to kill you.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Come on! Get up!”

“No.”

There’s movement out of the corner of his eye, then Jack is up and leaning over his head, blocking his view of clouds above them. “Oh come on Drama King!”

“I already told you that I’m going to die. I’m not getting up.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dying of course I’m serious. This is the single most humiliating moment of my life. Honestly, this? This sums up the farce that is my existence.”

“Oh my god.”

“Everything has led to this moment. I am pretty sure that there is nothing more that can be done to break my spirit, so I’ve decided to end it here.”

Jack snorts and nearly falls over giggling again. His grin is blinding and his eyes are impossibly bright with horrible glee. That framed by the dark clouds in the night sky and softly falling snow make him one of the most painfully beautiful things Pitch can think of.

Right now he hates Jack a little bit for it. He narrows his eyes and tries to make his hatred quite clear. 

Jack’s grin gets even wider and brighter. “So this is the end then huh?”

“I’m sure I already made that quite clear Jack. You have led me to the point where I end up dying, on my back, on some godforsaken frozen lake.”

“I like the on your back part at least.” Jack purrs. He never could purr right and it sounds more like a hoarse and strangled slur of words. It should not be attractive.

“Shut up Jack, I’m dying and that’s all you can think of.”

“You’re really caught up on this dying thing aren’t you?” Jack sits down by Pitch’s shoulder, still leaning over him. It brings him a lot closer, so Pitch won’t complain.

“Don’t forget that I’m still planning on killing you afterwards.”

“Oh of course not. Wouldn’t dream of forgetting that. How long will it be now? The whole you dying part I mean, I don’t wanna just sit around waiting forever.”

Pitch finds one of his hands crawling up to rest on Jack’s side completely against his will. “It will be a slow and painful death I’m sure. That would fit in with the rest of my life after all.”

Jack leans down further and Pitch’s entire view is filled with Jack and his every breath is filled with the scent of him. There’s cool breath over his face and Jack lowers his voice, grinning widely as he hovers over Pitch.

“Nothing I could do to ease your passing?”

Pitch’s traitorous hand moves from Jack’s side up to rest on the back of his head, fingers tangling up in white hair. “You could at least TRY to be less cliche.”

Jack somehow leans in closer, but not quite close enough for their lips to actually touch. Pitch can feel the echoes of movement as Jack talks. “No I can’t do that I’m afraid. I’ve been around you too much and picked up some bad ha-”

Pitch tugs down and shuts him up.

Jack comes crashing down over him and there’s a tangle of arms and legs and clutching hands that makes Pitch forget that he was planning to die.

Until hours later, when there’s cold ice on his back and a cold Jack perfectly bare and flopped over his front. Pitch is running a hand over Jacks back, grinning to himself whenever his fingers brush against a raised bitemark.

He thinks that Jack is asleep until the boy mumbles against his neck.

“You seriously are taking FOREVER to just die.”

Pitch smacks him.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who needed a break from all the angst I've been posting! Have some saccharine snark!


End file.
